Solo puedo decir una cosa, y lo dire con una imagen :P

Sin mas preambulos...

The Crovel: Your New Apocalyptic Survival Tool

The Crovel is like the Swiss Army Kite of shovels. "Knife -- not kite, numbnuts." Yeah, whatever. It packs 13 different tools into a single unit (reminds me of my last kegger!). "What tools" you ask? LEMME TELL YA:

Pryer/Nail Remover (hey that's just part of a crowbar!)
Hoe (you are!)
Serrated Knife
Can Opener
Grapping Hook
All that in a 5-and-a-half pound stick for $85. I bought two. I keep one in the house and one in my ass trunk! Plus it works for threatening a neighbor after he lets his dog shit in your yard. I WILL KILL YOU, CUT YOU UP AND BURY YOU ALL WITH THE SAME TOOL. Then grappling hook onto my roof and open a beer.

One more shot comparing the Crovel to all the tools it replaces after the jump.

Thanks to greg, who already had all the separate tools and decided to just tape them all together. Not gonna lie bro, that thing looks like shit.

Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness: THE MACHETE-SHOOTING SLINGSHOT!!

This is a machete-shooting slingshot. Or you could call it a crossbow. Just don't call it a catapult or you might wind up with a machete in your gut. From a general standpoint, it's badass, but from a zombie-apocalypse standpoint it's really not that practical because:

1. it's like six-feet long, making it fairly awkward to tote around during an emergency situation (still not sure what I'm gonna do about my penis)
2. load-time takes several seconds, making it a poor choice for fighting off groups and probably only useful for taking out those antisocial "loner" zombies and/or maiming people running faster than you
3. ammo is super-expensive unless
4. you retrieve every machete after a kill in which case that's a whole lot of pulling machetes out of corpses.

Which brings me to my personal weapon of choice: a sword tied to a rope. Here, I'll demonstrate. You just duck a little bit and then swing it around at neck level like so. See? "That's not a sword, that's a Wiffle-Ball bat." OH I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU WANTED THE FULL ZOMBIE TREATMENT. "Your mom won't let have a real sword, will she?" Not until the neighbors are all zombies, no.

Video after the jump, actual shooting goes down at 1:37 and 2:30 if you just want to see the action.

Thanks to Chris, who just prepared for the apocalypse by taping two steak-knives to opposite ends of a broomstick. Killer, brah.